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Hello
class, and welcome to How not to
make a successful game 101. Today we've got a guest speaker,
"The Last Fantasy 3". What? Where is it? It's standing right in
front of the black boar-- oh, ok, fair enough. It does have a lot of
black on the screen at any time. And it's graphics *DO* look a lot like
someone was scribbling on a blackboard. That's alright. Remember,
children, that we're not here to judge this game, we're here to learn
from it. After we're done learning, then we can judge it. We can also
ridicule it and steal it's shorts.
What? You're still here, The Last Fantasy 3? Sorry about that, you
never make a peep. I had forgotten you were here. Anyway, let's move on
to the gameplay. Oops, running low on health. I guess I'll have to press down <skip a turn> what
the... <skip a turn> This shouldn't happen! <skip a turn>
Oh, I see. The numlock was turned off! Silly me! Well, I guess I'll
just let myself die... I'll just press space and... What? I won the battle? Well, OK.
And my health is refilled every battle? That's harsh. Let's see...oh,
that's nice, some exposition. I got a sword...more exposition....more
exposition...Oh! See class, here we get to choose whether or not to
speak with this guy. I'll just hit space to say yes, and...oh, bandits!
I guess random encounters work differently in this game. I'll just hit
space a few times...Hey! I made it to the lost city! That was almost
too easy. I wonder if they're hiding something from me..OH NO! A
battle! I'll just hit space...Ok, he's dead and I'm back at full
health...
Well, at least there's multiple
characters. I mean, with unique skills and abilities, that's GOT to put
some fun into the game! Wha....oh. How dissapointing. I still just have
to hit space to win....And the graphics still suck.....and there's no
sound to speak of. And everything moves too fast.
Thank you, "Tha Last Fantasy 3" for coming in. No, we won't need you
next week. No, you can't sign up for the class. Listen -- just leave
before I get security to make you leave.
--SJ Zero
shouldn't be so hard on this game. Nietzsche was no hell either.
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