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SJ Zeros column

This month in SJ Zeros life
I just spent hours on end working on various parts of QBXL, but in the off time, I worked on Quest for a King, my RPG opus, finished Starlancer(a most excellent game if you don't want to have to think about who you're killing!), and went shopping for equipment for his home studio/audio lab. I didn't even drink. Who can afford to drink when you're paying 50 dollars for audio equipment?!
I'm watching a thing about women in video games -- these people have NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHATSOEVER!!!  For christs sake, they have footage of Duke nukem (a...what, 7, 8 year old game?) as the proof that the evil game developers are portraying women as a bunch of pixellated strippers and whores... For christ sake, these people need to get a sense of humor!!! It's friggin' Duke Nukem 3D! Anyone who takes that game even remotely seriously needs to get out of their little fantasy world, and if they want to see decent females in games, they should stop looking at chun-li lookalikes and FPS trailer trash.  Seriously. It's a good thing there aren't any people looking at the male stereotypes in video games, we'd have a bunch of nanny-state loving commies telling us that boys all want to grow up like Duke Nukem or Serious Sam and that we game developers have some sort of moral responsibility to make sure these tit-sucking sissy boys don't try to grow a pair of balls. I'll tell you what; we need just one country where everything will be so sanitized that the adult population can't even have sex without a stork present. This'll be a world where it's illegal for children to swear in some areas. A place where self-declared experts bitch and moan all day long about how the world isn't nearly sanitized enough for the children, and we should censor the fact that civilized countries are, right now, sending kids off to fucking die in wars half way across the world whose only relevance to the nation these kids are dying for is an oversized oil slick and the fact that the president has a vendetta against the leader of that country for some reason. It'll be a country where you can sue a person for not shovelling his driveway or for giving you a coffee that was 30 degrees too hot and you burn your wittwe toungue. It'll be a country where the first question asked when a couple insane kids decide to go on a killing rampage and shoot up 30 of their classmates will be "which famous person can we conveniently pin the blame on?". All the sane people will live unhappily ever after in this hate and pain filled world we call reality. Where your own psychological problems are your own problem and your own fault.


Honestly, there have been some great female characters in games, and some of them weren't even in the "Gratuitous T&A" department, but they weren't in first person shooters and fighting games, because (SHOCK!!!) the characters in those types of game usually follow a pretty strict pattern(both in the male and female department). Want to know some of the greatest female characters ever? How about Lucca from Chronotrigger? Terra and Celes from Final Fantasy 3? Rydia from FF2(because Rosa is just a weakling!)? Rose in Legend of Dragoon? Kid from Chrono Cross? All these women are unique, non "gratuitous T&A" stereotypes, and and worlds apart from the Dead or Alive crew arousing so many pundits ire.  These aren't the only examples either! The whole genre, whose life blood is the story the games tell and the characters the games try to portray, is filled with interesting women. Even starlancer had the Squadron Commander, who was at the very least a strong woman.

So here's my message to pundits, critics, lobbyists, and "experts" everywhere: Stop bitching about the creative musings of testosterone drenched game developers. There are plenty of women in the games world. Stop looking at the ones you don't like -- rest assured, there are bimbos in real life as well. And they'll be right here, playing beach volleyball.

-SJ Zero can't believe he just wrote a whole column on this crap!

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