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Alien Jack Nicholsons column

   
About Alien Jack Nicholson
Alien Jack Nicholson is going directly to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. So is his typist, SJ Zero, for allowing this crazy rant to go on for as long as it did. Oh well. Good times...
I was listening to some preacher last sunday, He was off in la-la land talking about fairy tales or something, and he said something that I'll never forget. "The son of god is our whipping boy!". Now THAT'S religion. Finally a preacher with sense. All these people saying things like "oh, don't say the lords name in vain" can shove it where the sun don't shine, because I like this guy. He's absolutely right too. For christs' sake, we use his damn name as a curse, he gets stuck in every cameo from South Park to Tim Hortons to some rednecks scrambled eggs, This guy is right, goddamn it, and I've gotta tell you, I want my cut. Here I've been running around like a chump, when I could have been getting Jesus to do my dirty work. I'd say "Hey Jesus, finish this article!", and he'd do it, because he wouldn't want me to whip him again. Then when I wanted to go for a stroll in the park, I'd just say "jesus, get the little red wagon and put a pillow down. I want to go for a walk", and he'd run around getting things ready, because otherwise I'd bite his ass off. I could probably get some divine favours too. I'd say "Dude, get your dad to make us some eggs!", and he'd do it, because otherwise I'd let him meet Jocke the Beast, then we'd have some pretty good eggs. Yep, the son of God as my whipping boy. That would change things. The world would be a better place. 

Another thing I saw this week is a huge front-page headline. In huge letters on the main page. "Murder victim not tough guy". Well, I gotta tell you, I'd have to agree. I'd be willing to bet money that he was getting hurt all the time. Small children would be taking him down in fistfights. Freinds would send him to the hospital all the time 'cause they pat him on the back too hard, that's the way it goes. You're either a tough guy or you wuss out and get murdered. Wussy.

Back to what I was doing before I started writing -- HEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY! I'M MIKE WALLACE AND THIS IS 60 MINUTES! WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE! JEOPARDY! HERE'S YOUR HOST, ALEX TREBEC!

-Alien Jack Nicholson Sees things in a different way from other inanimate objects. We think it's the old lady change. He thinks it's the revolution..

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