The QBXL Manifesto

Issue 1. I hope this is going to be the beginning of something special. Issue 1 of what I hope to be the greatest QB Magazine ever; QB Accelerator. Now, it's true that I'm borrowing quite a bit of the idea (and certainly the title) from the late PC Accelerator, but by no means will we allow ourselves to be just another imitator. Our title is naught but homage to that brilliant magazine. A few themes may be stolen as well (see our Drinking and Coding article in this issue), but what we will really be inhereting from PCXL is the attitude that there will be no compromises. We won't take shit from anyone, and we'll make fun of anyone, wheter or not they deserve it. We promise to have at least one joke in every article, no matter how cheezy, no matter how lame, and no matter how far we need to stretch the truth to do it. We will never cater to the desires of our audience unless we want to; this is our goddamn mag, and if you don't like it, make your own. We will make it our business to piss off, talk down to, and generally mock and ridicule anyone we feel deserves it. We will try not to censor our language, because censoring our language is a good way to censor our passion, so no censorship here. That's right parents, no FUCKING CENSORSHIP OUT HERE! FIND ANOTHER GODDAMNED BABYSITTER, BITCHES! Such is the QBXL way. We also promise to rewrite any review we feel is gushing, and to have as many spelling mistakes as we can get by our editors. We also want to have some really cool website designs. So, that's it. Enjoy.

I hope you have as much fun as we are.

SJ Zero, Head Editor (I'm the fucking boss!)

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How he got here: I started the mag. I'd better get a damn spot!

Self Bio:I am from here -- the internet. That's all you need to know, because I am actually a secret agent, and I can't tell you my real identity, or Doctor Goldshlong will find me and torture me! Of course Dr. Goldshlong is a really hot buxom redhed, so I wouldn't exactly not enjoy it, but I'd really rather write this mag than spill my guts to a mad scientist chick.

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How he got here: I'm just a slacker who got in because I'm SJ Zeros brother.

Self Bio: I didn't really volunteer for this. I woke up, Zero asked me to write reviews, then I went back to sleep. I don't really remember what happened...

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How he got here: My winning personallity got me the job.

Self Bio:I am an inanimate object sitting on SJ Zeros desk. He decided that I looked enough like Jack Nicholson when I wore sunglasses to earn me the name Alien Jack Nicholson. I was waiting for my film debut when SJ Zero decided to use me as a mascot for his new QB Magazine.