Greetings Comrade, to Quick
Comrades, our forces on the eastern front have driven back the decadent
imperialist capitalist dogs, and they cower from our tanks and guns
like the the scared children they are! They cling to their affordable
yet luxurious houses and stylish yet comfortable clothes like pigs at a
trough of inexpensive yet non poisonous and high quality food!
We have sent the decadent imperialist capitalist dogs our demands
and expect a full surrender within hours, after our key victories at
Potsdam, Ohio, and the Denny's across the street. General Stillin has
sent his personally written this list of demands. They are the most
lenient and flexible demands yet, worthy of praise, because the
General's mercy knows no bounds.
-Full and complete surrender of all troops in all territories
-Wholescale conversion from the exploitative system of capitalism
where people claw at each other for money and power to communism, where
people claw at each other for power and money
-Admission that the death of ten thousand workers at the
Dipshvits Mine was not an effect of malice or incompotence, but of god
-The abolition of all religion, which is the opiate of the masses
With these generous terms for surrender, it becomes much more in their
favour to surrender and convert totally to our ideals.
Now, On to the Quick Vasick!
Sadly, the unbranded Communistore 64a we used to code in Vasick(our
unbranded communist programming language) was stolen by an decadent
imperialist capitalist spy and sold on eBay for the sum of twelve
dollars American. No doubt such a fortune can sustain the thief for
many years, but we're in luck regardless. Boshlevist University was
kind enough to send us their replica of a very high tech computer: The
decadent Imperialist capitalist dogs own IBM XT, recreated with
superior Communist technology. Though it weighs twelve tonnes and
requires coal be constantly stoked into it's boiler to feed it's
eternal hunger for electricity, it is even more powerful than the
original, leaving little doubt that our selfless scientists are the
most productive in the world!
It may take a few weeks to completely familiarize myself with the new
system, especially since I'm off of the lenient 16 hour shifts which
they let me work because I mangled my testicles in an area filled with
ravenous pit vipers, but even back on normal 20 hour shifts, I'm sure
I'll be able to contact you all soon.
Long Live the Resistance,